Harley and Ivy: Psychotic
by FosterStinson
Summary: They say that love can be poisonous... especially when it comes to these two. (Inspired by the story by PugfromtheBlackLagoon)
1. Admitting it is the First Step

**A/N: This story is my own version of an existing story titled "Harley and Ivy: Us Against the World" by PugfromtheBlackLagoon, and it's a really good story so if you want, go check his out first, or just read me, whatever you wanna do. Pug gave me permission to write this story, just so you know. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! Also, the entire story is narrated by Poison Ivy.**

My name is Pamela Lilian Isley. Well, that _was_ my name. These days I only go by Poison Ivy. Or Red, when I'm around Harley. She's really the only person in this godforsaken world that I actually give a damn about. Okay, I care more for her than I let on. I'm in love with her, but there's no way in hell anyone will ever find out about that. Either way, it's pointless, since she's hopelessly devoted to that creep, the Joker. I hate him more than I hate Batman. I hate a lot of people. Like the guards currently dragging me to my therapy session.

All the guards in this prison are jackasses and perverts. Although, one of the therapists, Dr. Gibson, is actually decent. He seems to actually care about the prisoners, including Harley, so I tolerate him.

The guards practically threw me into the cube-shaped therapy room and snicker as they walk off. I swear one of these days I'll break out and kill them.

I'm greeted by a man in his mid-thirties, a little skinny, and complete with shaggy brown hair. Sometimes he wears glasses, sometimes he doesn't. Today he wasn't.

"Hello, Pamela."

Hmph.

"Oh that's right you like to go by Poison Ivy don't you? Hello, _Ivy_."

I sighed. What the hell, I may as well give in. Not like there's anything else I could do to entertain myself. "Hello, Dr. Gibson" I said as I sat down across from him.

"Today I thought we might talk about your childhood and your family. Tell me what they were like. How have they affected your life today?"

"No thanks. I'd rather not pour out my entire life story to a man in a coat."

"Fair enough, then why not tell me what you had in mind for your life before you became Poison Ivy?"

"Look, I don't know you, and none of this stuff has any importance. You're wasting your time."

"I don't believe I am. How about we try this, Ivy, pretend I'm someone you care about."

"I don't care about anybody."

"I don't believe that either. There has to be one person in the world that you actually like."

Harley. But it's not like I'll tell him that. He's not saying anything. He's waiting for me to open up. Ugh. Don't do it. Don't do it Ivy. "Harley." I mumbled.

"One more time?"

"Ugh. Harley."

"Ah, Miss Quinn. I do miss my sessions with her, she was always so perky and full of life. She truly brightened my day and made all of this worthwhile."

"Yeah she has a habit of doing that." I smiled, thinking about Harley.

"I do hope she returns sometime soon."

"You and me both."

"See, I knew you cared about somebody. Is she the only one?"

"Yes. Aside from all the plants in the world, Harley is the only person I care about. I miss her, and I just hope she's okay."

"Hm. Those are some pretty strong feelings just for one individual."

"Yeah, but that one individual is Harley." What the hell is he getting at?

"Forgive me if this question makes you uncomfortable, but I must say I'm curious. Do you love Harley?"

Shit.

I close my eyes and silently nod.

"Don't tell anyone." It came out quietly, almost as if I was begging. I was ashamed of myself.

"Don't worry, nothing said leaves this room. And there are no security cameras. So now, I must ask, do you think Harley loves you back?"

"Doubtful. She's in love with the Joker, and I don't know if she even likes girls, let alone me. How am I supposed to compete with the Joker? He's her entire life."

"The Joker is a psychotic. He abuses Harley. He doesn't care for her, she's just a pawn to him. You genuinely care for Harley, you would risk everything for her, and she knows that. I think the real question here is; how is the Joker supposed to compete with you?"

As much as I hate to admit it, he's got a point. But still, that doesn't change anything.

"I think this is a good time to end today's session. I'll see you again tomorrow."

"Thank you, Doctor."

He smiles and nods as the doors open. I see the two guards and my happiness dies. As they throw me back into my cell I can hear Riddler and Two-Face chuckle. I yell at them to shut up, and to my surprise they do. I guess they're afraid of me. But like that's anything to be proud of. I decided to just crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. God, I just wish Harley were here next to me. She could turn this hell into heaven.


	2. Harley Quinn Returns

It would be a lie to say that any night is a good night in Arkham, but this one in particular was. Well, eventually. It started out by the lights flickering on around 1:00 AM, causing most of the other prisoners to moan and groan and whine like little babies. I, however, was interested to see who would be joining us in the cell block this evening. I pressed my face against the glass, and I saw several guards escorting the Joker through the long hallway.

Ugh. After seeing him I turned away and moved back to my bed before the realization hit me. I turned back around and practically threw myself against the glass. "Harley?!"

There she was, beautiful as ever. But she had bruises and cuts all over her. More than she usually did when she first shows up at Arkham. Something happened to her, and I don't think it was caused by Tall, Dark, and Gloomy, who was as silent as ever. Harley took notice of me and barely smiled, waving at me. "Hiya, Red." Calmly, she walked into the cell across from mine as the guards continued to drag the Joker passed her.

"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! My cell is always next to Harley's! What the hell is going on here?! I'll kill all of you!"

"Quiet, freak!" yelled one of the guards. His mistake. Joker broke free from the other guards' grasps and begin choking the guard who yelled at him. To nobody's surprise, Batman intervened and punched the Joker in the face, allowing the guards to regain control over him. Batman then tells them to get the Joker to solitary confinement, which they do.

Harley gulps and says "Thanks, B-Man." Sigh. I love how she always gives people nicknames. Batman nodded at Harley and proceeded to walk away, glancing at me on his way out. Once he was gone, I saw Harley sitting at the end of her bed, with her arms around her chest. It hurt to see her like this. I barely managed to choke out "Harley? Harley, what happened?"

"Please, Red, I don't wanna talk about it."

I gulped and asked again. "Harley, please."

I could tell she was reluctant but she spoke anyways. "Well, for a while me and Mista J had it good. We were hiding out from Bats, the usual, you know? But about two weeks ago, Mista J started getting… angry."

"You mean more than usual?" chimed in the Riddler. It hadn't occurred to me that everyone else would be eavesdropping.

"Yeah, I guess so." Replied Harley. "But that wasn't the worst of it. Mista J came up with a plan to… Pammy, he was gonna try and blow up Gotham. I couldn't let him do it so I… I called Batman and I helped him take down Mista J but he hurt me. He hurt me really bad, Pammy." She was in tears. She had her knees tucked into her chest and tears were streaming down her face. I just wanted to run over and comfort her and tell her everything was going to be okay. But I couldn't do that.

"I won't let him touch you, Harley. Ever." It was all I could do.

"Thanks, Red."

"Harley?"

She looked up and wiped a tear from her face.

"Get some sleep."

She nodded and lied down.

"I'll see you in the morning."

She didn't respond, but I can't blame her. I'll make that yellow-toothed freak pay for hurting her. In the morning I can hold her during free time, but free time isn't until after lunch and right now that seems like an eternity.

I didn't sleep that night. For the rest of the hours I just sat in the corner of the cell and watched Harley. I guess I must have dozed off because my eyes hurt when the lights flickered back on in the morning. I smiled as I watched Harley stretch and groan as she woke up. Hopefully she'd be a little happier this morning.

As they started passing out our breakfasts I said "Good morning, Harley."

"What's so good about it?"

So much for her being happier this morning. I noticed her wincing in pain as she moved her arm when she tried to eat breakfast.

"Harley are you okay?"

"I guess."

She wanted to cry again, and I wanted to hold her.

The hours dragged on by until the guards finally opened our cells and began escorting us into the commons area. I practically ran over to Harley after they opened her cell. She didn't say much as we walked into the commons area, and when we arrived she just sat down on the couch. A very small part of me wanted to go over and play poker with Scarecrow, Riddler, Two-Face, and the Ventriloquist, but every other bit of me wanted nothing more than to sit with Harley.

I reached for the remote but she said "I don't really feel like watching TV."

"That's okay. What do you feel like doing?"

"I just wanna talk."

"Talking is good. What do you want to talk about?"

"What have things been like since I've been gone?"

"No different at all. Well, they've been duller, but now that you're back it feels more like heaven." Shit. Think before you speak, Ivy.

Harley grinned, so I guess that's a good sign. But then she hugged me and it didn't even take a fraction of a second for me to hug her back.

"Thank you, Red." I smiled as I felt her tears fall onto my shoulder.

Our hug was interrupted by the Riddler whistling at us and his fellow poker buddies laughing, except for the Scarecrow. I don't think he really finds anything funny.

I flipped off the Riddler but Harley gets up and asks me "Do you wanna go somewhere else?" She extends her hand and I take it. She pulls me up and holds onto it as we walk away. We walked over to a table on the opposite side of the commons area and I asked her "So what do you want to talk about now?"

She sighed. "I don't know, Red. I'm just getting really sick of this."

"Sick of what? Arkham? Join the club."

"No, not Arkham. At least in here I'm safe from the Joker."

"Then what are you sick of?"

"Two words: Harley Quinn." She held up her hand and held up her index and middle finger with each word.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm tired of being the Joker's door matt. I just want to go back to being Harleen Quinzel. I don't want to be one of the bad guys anymore." In frustration, she puts her head on the table and moans. No matter how hard she tries she'll always be the goofy little Harley Quinn that I have come to love. I started rubbing her head, trying to comfort her.

"Then let's do it."

She instantly raised her head up from the table and asked "Do what?"

"Stop being criminals. You and me. We can get out of here and leave Gotham behind!"

"You would do that for me?" she sounded so touched, and I knew this was the right decision.

"I would do anything for you Harley."

When she cried this time, it was tears of joy, and she pulled into yet another hug.


	3. The Great Escape

After free time I was escorted to my therapy session and Harley back to her cell for the last time. We were getting out today. Finally! Just me and Harley, leaving this life behind. I'll admit, I'm going to miss torturing those who would destroy Mother Earth, but if I'll be with Harley, that's a lifestyle worth leaving. And besides, once we've gotten away, maybe I can find another way to keep fighting for the environment. But I can figure all of that out later, at the moment I have more pressing matters.

The guards threw me into the cubed room and I was greeted by the smiling Dr. Gibson. He was wearing his glasses today. Before I get out of here there's one thing I have to know.

"Why do you do that?"

"Um… do what, Ms. Ivy?"

"How come sometimes you wear glasses but sometimes you don't?" I know it's a stupid thing to ask, but hey even ecoterrorists are allowed to be curious.

He chuckled. "Well, usually I wear my glasses, but my wife tells me I look handsomer without them. But contacts irritate my eyes if I wear them for too many days in a row, so I have to switch regularly."

"Oh." Somewhat anticlimactic, but oh well.

"Please, have a seat. I figured we could pick up where we left off last time."

I took a seat. I figure I may as well do as he says, as this is probably the last time he'll ever get to have a session with me. I should make it memorable for him.

"So, Harley's back. Have you talked to her?"

"Yes."

"Have you told her about your feelings?"

"As if. What am I even supposed to say? That I'm in love with her and she's wasting her time with the Joker and that she should just run away with me and never look back?"

"Something along those lines, yeah."

I sighed. "Well, I guess we are sort of planning to move back in together once we're out of here. She told me she's done with the Joker, but I'm just not sure if she really means it."

"Given the way their last encounter went, I highly doubt even Harley would return to him this time."

"I sure hope so."

"Now, even if you do get a chance to move back in together, the situation still remains that you must tell her about the way you feel."

"Doctor, I don't even know if she likes girls!"

These sessions are pretty short, I need to act fast.

"That's just a risk you'll have to be willing to take."

"Doctor, you said there are no cameras in this room, right?"

"Right. Just you and me. Why?"

In the blink of an eye, I grabbed his tie and pulled him into a kiss, putting him under my trance. I pulled away and stood up. He mimicked my action. I admire my handiwork.

"I _will_ miss this, but it will all be worth it. Doctor?"

"Yes, Ivy?"

"You have keys to open any cell in an emergency, correct?"

"That's right, Ivy."

"Give them to me."

"Of course, anything for you, Ivy! I love you!"

Hmph. I took the keys and stuffed them in my shirt, snapping, releasing him from his trance. We went about the rest of the session normally until the guards came to switch me out with Two-Face. I smirked at him as I left, which I can only assume pissed him off. I scanned the area and saw no guards other than the ones currently on either side of me, so I had to do this quickly. I kissed one of them, catching both of them by surprise. The one not being kissed pulled out his gun, but I quickly pulled the gun out of the other one's holster and aimed it at him.

"Put your gun down." I said to him calmly. His hands were shaking.

"You- you first!"

"Red, what are you doing?!" shouted Harley. Everyone was watching from their cells. I sighed and shot him in the shoulder, sending him flying into the wall.

"This is not going as well as I'd hoped it would!"

I ran over to Harley's cell and used Dr. Gibson's keys to open it.

"Red?"

"Come on, Harley! We don't have a lot of time before more guards show up!"

The two of us, accompanied by the guard I had hypnotized, ran as quick as we could through the cell block, ignoring all the others shouting at as to free them too.

"Sorry boys, this is a private party!" I mocked them.

We managed to reach the parking lot and the guard gave us the keys to his car. Since I hate cars, Harley took the wheel. I freed him from my trance once we had left the parking lot, leaving him standing like an idiot, not knowing what had happened.

"Woooooooo!" shouted Harley as we drove away.

I stared at her with my eyes wide.

"Sorry, it just feels good to be out again! It feels good to be me again."

I smiled.

"So, where are we going?" I ask.

"I thought this was your plan?"

"I guess we can hideout at one of my greenhouses until we think of a better plan."

"Alright, but first I need to get something."

"What?"

"My babies!"

My eyes widened and I asked/shouted "You have kids?!"

"Haha, no silly! The hyenas!"

I slumped in my chair. "Oh. The hyenas." I hate those hyenas.

Eventually we arrived at a storage lot where Harley opened a garage that was decorated like a teenage girl's room. The walls were pink, there was a small bed, a mirror, a dresser, and a dog bed which had two large hyenas lying on it.

"We are not staying here." I said firmly as Harley ran towards her hyenas with her arms wide open. They started licking her face as she giggled and responded "Of course not! I just used to use this place whenever I needed to hide out from the Joker. Guess I won't be needing it anymore."

As we were walking out, Harley's eyes fell upon a poster of the Joker which she had not previously taken notice of. She stood there silent and as I was about to reach out for her, she grabbed a large knife from her dresser and stabbed the poster repeatedly screaming.

"Harley!" I shouted as I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her away from it. I pulled her into a hug and she started crying again.

"He'll come looking for us. He won't stop until I'm dead."

I stroked the back of her head and promised her that I wouldn't let that happen.


	4. Coming Out

I honestly don't know if there's anything I hate in this world more than these god damn hyenas. Before we can even get to the car, one of them peed on my foot. I probably would have killed it if Harley hadn't been there to hold me back.

I got into the driver's seat reluctantly as Harley loaded the hyenas into the backseat and cuddled up with them. I drove for about ten minutes before saying "You know we're going to have to ditch this car eventually." I looked back but Harley was already snoring and curled up in a ball with her hyenas. I guess they're not so bad, since they keep her happy.

God, I love her so much.

I guess I was watching her for a little too long because before I knew it I had crashed into a tree. I pushed the air bag back to check and make sure Harley was okay. She was rubbing her eyes and yawning.

"What just happened?"

"The car went off road. We're not too far from the greenhouse, we can walk from here."

I asked her if we should put leashes on the hyenas, but she kept insisting that they would follow her wherever she went and that it was "the most adorable thing ever". It seemed to be true so far, although I'd hardly call it adorable.

The greenhouse wasn't exactly a greenhouse, I just liked to call it that. It was a regular house not too far from the Gotham Botanical Gardens right by a lake and surrounded by bushes and trees, practically invisible unless you knew it was there.

"We can stay here until we come up with a plan to get out of Gotham."

When we got inside I went into my room to change into my costume. I can't stand these awful prison rags, they make my ass chafe. When I was fully dressed I walked back out to find Harley changing into her costume, which she picked up at her storage unit. She didn't notice me so she didn't bother trying to cover up her exposed breasts as she was putting on her suit. When she did see me just standing in the door way, leaning against one side, my cheeks became extremely red. I expected her to be weirded out, but she just smiled and continued to put her costume on, not bothered at all. Thankfully, she had chosen to leave the mask and that horrid face makeup behind. I preferred seeing her face uncovered. It was much more beautiful that way.

I sighed. Okay, Dr. Gibson, now's the time. "Harley, we need to talk."

She looked up and smiled. "About what?"

Before I could talk, one of the hyenas, I think it was Bud, bit my costume and yanked it downwards, exposing both of my breasts. I shouted and barely took notice of Harley staring at them before I pulled my costume up and yelled at Bud. I calmed myself down and I walked over and sat down next to her. "About us."

"What do you mean? It's not the hyenas is it?"

"No, no, I would never let them come between us."

"Oh, thank god. I mean I know you don't like them, but I wouldn't expect you to just be like 'Harley get rid of those damn hyenas!' when you know they mean so much to me, but you mean so much to me too-"

"Harley, you're rambling."

Her cheeks turned red and she shyly grinned. "Sorry."

"It's fine. But, really, Harley. We do need to talk about us."

"What about us?"

"Well, it's…" I really have no idea what to say. "Harley I don't know if you've guessed this before, and I really don't think it will come as that much of a surprise but, I'm a lesbian."

"Really? I just thought since you kiss all of those guys it was just sort of-"

"No, I only do that to control them. It's the only way I can, if there was another way I'd use it. I mean, I wouldn't even really say I'm a _lesbian_, because I hate most other women. What I'm trying to say is, Harley," Damn this is harder than I thought…

"Harley, I- mmph! Mmm…"

She kissed me. She kissed me! She pulled apart and looked down. Shock was clearly written all over my face. She looked up and said "Please tell me that's what you were gonna do."

I laughed and kissed her. When I pulled apart I said "I had no idea you felt the same way."

"Well, I had no idea either. For the past couple years the only person I've ever shown any attraction to is the Joker, and to tell you the truth, before I met him I was going through kind of a lesbian phase, and who knows where I would have ended up if I hadn't met him? I guess after I decided I was done with him, and you promised me that you'd protect me, I don't know, I guess I just kind of realized how oblivious I've been."

"I think that's the most words you've ever said in the same sentence, Harl."

She giggled and hugged me. I hugged her back, more than excited that this had finally happened.

"So… what now?"

"Well, we are criminals on the loose, and we have access to a TV so we should probably check the news."

The second I turned on the news I heard the annoying little Vicki Vale saying "-and Harley Quinn escaped from Arkham Asylum earlier today. This just in, the Joker has also escaped from Arkham and is no doubt looking for Harley. All we know for sure is that Batman is going to be busy."

Harley shut off the TV. I could see the fear on her face. "I knew he'd come after us." Her legs starting trembling but I caught her before she fell.

"Harley, it's going to be okay. Even if he is looking for us, he'll never find this place. We're going to be fine, I promise."

She took three deep breathes and hugged me.

"We should get some rest. We'll need the energy tomorrow."

She nodded and hopped onto the bed, immediately followed by Bud and Lou who cuddled up next to her, leaving very little room for me. I stood there with my hands on my hips and a disapproving look on my face. Harley then giggled and patted the side of the bed not occupied by hyenas and said "Oh c'mon, Red, we can cuddle."

I sighed and crawled up next to her. The last thought I had before drifting off was that this was just the first of many nights I'll be spending together with Harley Quinn.


	5. Temporary Living Arrangements

I woke up the next morning to see Harley panicking, pacing across the room back and forth really quickly.

"Harley, what the hell is going on?"

She didn't say anything. Instead, she frantically pointed out the window. I looked out and could briefly see in the distance the Joker's clown car driving towards the greenhouse.

"How the hell did he even find this place?!"

"I knew he'd find us, Red! I knew he'd find us!"

"Harley! It's going to be okay, I have an escape route, we can get out in time and he'd never even know we were here!"

I ran over to the floor where I had a moss rug spread out. I pulled it back, revealing a secret exit.

"Where does it go?" asked a nervous Harley.

"Where do you think it goes?"

She gulps and walks towards it, looking down. The stench of the sewers reaches her nose and she goes "Blech!"

"Harley, we have to go, _now_!"

"But… but what about the babies?"

"Harley, I'm sorry we have to leave them!"

A large frown then spread across her face. She looked back at Bud and Lou, who were sitting in the doorway, confused.

"Goodbye, babies." A tear fell down her cheek as she jumped down the exit. I took one last look at the hyenas and followed Harley, closing the exit behind me, leaving the floor looking completely normal.

As we splashed down into the sewer water, Harley instantly began complaining about how disgusting this was. Eventually she shut up about the disgustingness and began complaining about the hyenas.

"Harley, I'm sure they'll be fine! Joker liked the hyenas too, right?"

"Yeah, but not as much as I did. I guess him keeping them is better than killing them."

"That's the spirit… I guess."

I grabbed her hand and we continued walking. "Do you even know where we're going?" she asked. This question took me by surprise, making me realize that I did not know where we were going. I looked at her and gingerly shrugged my shoulders.

"Great." She said sarcastically.

It wasn't long after that when we reached what looked to be a mini home put together in the sewers, complete with a torn up bed and a small TV.

We exchanged looks before I said "You don't think-"

But I was interrupted by a head rising from the water. A reptilian head. Harley and I both wrapped our arms around each other in fear as Killer Croc towered over us.

"What are you two doing here?"

Harley gulped and said "We're trying to get away from the Joker. Please, Croc, please help us!" I don't know how, but despite how many villains hated the Joker, none of them really seemed to even remotely dislike Harley. Including Killer Croc. He aggressively blew air from his nose and said "Fine. I always hated the Joker anyways. You can stay here overnight, but by tomorrow, you're outta my hair."

Before Harley could even think of saying something stupid like "But you don't have hair." I put my hand over her mouth and said "Thank you, Croc."

He grunted and walked away. I released my hand from Harley's mouth and she said "But he doesn't even have hair…"

"I know Harley, I know." I said, stroking the back of her head.


	6. Bag of Pies

Harley looked around the sewer and asked "Okay, so where are we supposed to sleep?"

I laughed as I seductively started rubbing her shoulders and said "Just think of it as a really big water bed." She laughed as well and pulled me into a kiss. Croc's head and shoulders emerged from the water but when he took notice of us he mumbled "I'll come back later." Before going back under. Harley and I both laughed.

"Okay, but really though, there's no way I'm sleeping on water." Said Harley.

I found some moss and moved it all together to form a somewhat-bed but Harley was less than amused. Eventually she gave in and lied down on it. We both easily drifted off and I had a strange dream.

I remember I was in Metropolis, I was wearing normal clothes, just walking around, completely unnoticed. No one knew who I was, it was as if I was just a normal person.

I was woken up by Harley, who said that she couldn't stay in the sewers any longer, and she wasn't sure when Croc was going to wake up. I nodded, still a little dazed but I followed her anyways. As we got out of the sewers, all I could think about was my dream, and Metropolis.

We opened up a sewer grate and crawled up into an alleyway, which had lots of bloodstains on the ground.

"Do you know where we could find a car that you wouldn't have to hotwire?" I asked Harley.

She stroked a beard that she did not have and eventually came up with an idea. Of course, to fulfill that plan, she needed to hotwire a car. Typical.

As we rode in the hotwired car I said "Whatever that plan of yours is, it had better be good, because if Batman catches us there is no way in hell we'd be able to outrun him in this shitmachine."

"Don't worry, we're almost there."

"Where?"

"The Joker's hideout."

"What?! Are you insane?!"

"Little bit."

I chuckled. "I know, it's part of the appeal."

Thankfully, when we got to the Joker's hideout, no one was there. Harley went to the garage where she opened the door to a car that had the Joker's head on the front and was extremely long and had whoopee cushion seats. However, right next to it was a regular looking car that was colored purple and green.

"Can't we just use that one? It would attract way less attention."

Harley sighed and said "I guess. I'm pretty sure it goes fast."

We got in, and it did go fast. Not as fast as the other one probably, but it was still a really fast car. Luckily, because just after we left the Joker showed up and saw us leaving. He was hot on our tail driving the car we had decided not to use.

"Doesn't this thing have any weapon systems?"

"Check the bag under your seat!" shouted Harley as she tried to avoid Joker's car.

I reached in and pulled out a pie. I glared at Harley and she joyfully said "Throw it! It works!"

I reached my upper half out the window and chucked the pie at Joker's car. It collides with the windshield and for the first couple seconds nothing happens. Then the pie sends electricity coursing through his car, bringing it to a stop. Harley looked through her mirrors and said "Damn, I thought that was the exploding pie."

Seconds later, the Joker was back on our tail riding a Segway, and was quickly joined by the Batmobile, and Robin and Batgirl on motorcycles. I looked out and up to see the Gotham News chopper recording the race that Harley was leading.

I grabbed the entire bag filled with pies and threw it out the window. The Segway drove to the side of it, but it was still caught in the explosion when Robin's motorcycle drove over it. Harley barely managed to drive out of the explosion but the end of the car was on fire.

"Drive to the docks! Quickly!"

Not questioning me, she made a hard right and barely managed to make it to the docks before our car blew up as well. I looked back and saw the Batmobile gaining on us, as well as the Joker wearing rollerblades.

"Can you hotwire a boat?" I asked Harley in a panic.

"Pfft. Can I hotwire a boat." She said mockingly as she got to work. She got it done just in time as the Batmobile reached the docks. I drove the boat off, looking back to see the Batmobile turning into a boat.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me…"

Joker also hotwired a boat and was hot on his tail. He rammed into the back of Batman's boat, knocking him off course and got closer to us.

"Harley take control!" I shouted as Harley grabbed the controls. When the Joker tried to jump from his boat to ours, I punched him in the face when he was in midair. But he grabbed my wrist, yanking me underwater with him.

"Pammy!" I heard Harley shout as I went under.

I managed to hit Joker a few times under water, but he pulled out his joybuzzer. I kicked myself away from him just in time, avoiding being shocked. Harley pulled me back onto the boat and hugged me before quickly getting back to the wheel.

"Where are we going anyways?"

"Metropolis."

"Metropolis?!"

"Yes, I'll explain once we get there, just go!"

When we reached the Metropolis docks, I looked back to see the Batboat just barely catching Joker. We'd be long gone by the time he even figured out where we'd gone.


	7. Metropolis

"Okay, why Metropolis? As if Batman weren't enough, now we have to worry about Superman on our asses!"

I told her about my dream and I said "We just need to lay low here and give up being criminals. No one will ever need to know. We're out of Batman's jurisdiction."

"That doesn't mean he won't come looking for us! And I bet the Joker will just be looking even harder now!"

"Harley, please just look on the Brightside here! I never thought I'd be the one saying that to you."

"Okay. Alright. Let's do it." She smiled and I kissed her for a long time. This was it. We were starting a life together, just me and her.

"We're probably going to need new clothes."

It took us forever to find a clothing store. This city was very new to both of us. We were barely able to break in without actually "breaking in". We looked around and found some clothes. I put on a green button-up short sleeve shirt and a black skirt. Harley was hearing a red halter top and _really_ short black shorts. I couldn't help myself. I moaned. She grinned and winked at me.

"You know, I just remembered, I have a lot of money to the name Quinzel, but I never told the Joker about it, so we could use it to start our lives here!"

"Sounds like a plan. But for tonight, all we need to worry about is finding a place to stay."

Eventually we found a rundown motel and we got check into a small but livable room. I saw a dying plant and I stroked it gently, slowing restoring it to life.

"Whoa, Pammy, I didn't know you could do that!"

"There's a lot you don't know about me." I said, winking.

After a few minutes of getting settled in, Harley lied down on the bed and said she was tired so I crawled up next to her. I held her hand and I could see the worry in her eyes. "Harley, everything's going to be just fine. I promise."

She smiled and instead of saying anything she kissed me.

When I woke up the next morning, I expected to see the room up in flames with Harley yelling at me to get out, but no, everything was perfectly quiet. The light was shining in and Harley was still fast asleep. I didn't want to wake her but I didn't know what else to do, so I decided to go out and explore Metropolis. See if I was able to actually go unnoticed and be a normal citizen like in my dream. I left a note for Harley and slipped out.

On the bright side, no one recognized me, but on the dark side I got lost within the first five minutes. I had absolutely no idea how to get home. Maybe I should go to Lex Luthor? No, I doubt he'd help me. Especially if I told him that I wasn't Poison Ivy anymore. My thoughts were scattered when I turned around and walked into a very large muscular man wearing a blue suit and dorky glasses. I know I was with Harley and everything but wow, he is fit.

"I, I'm so sorry about that!" I said.

"Don't be, it's my fault I wasn't watching where I was going. I'm Clark, Clark Kent." He said, extending his hand.

Shit, think of something, fast! "I'm Ivy. Uh, Quinn. Ivy Quinn." I said, shaking his hand. "Sorry, I'm really new to this city."

"Are you going someplace in particular?"

"Anywhere really."

"Well, I'm on my way anywhere now."

I chuckled. Oh god, am I going soft?

He started walking to his job, the Daily Bugle, and we started talking. He seemed like a really nice guy, but he was kind of naïve.

"So are you living with anyone?"

"Yeah, I just moved in with my girlfriend." I surprised myself with that. Harley Quinn was my girlfriend.

Clark didn't seem upset or disgusted or anything. He just smiled at me and said "Well Metropolis is a great city I'm sure you'll both love it here."

I never realized that people could actually be this nice, especially a man. Not long after that I kind of stopped paying attention while he started pouring out his life story. I got a few words like "Smallville" and "Lois". Eventually we reached the Daily Planet and Clark asked me if I wanted to use a phone to call somebody but the only other person I knew was Harley and she was probably still asleep, so I declined and said I could find some other way home. After we said goodbye he said "I hope I can see you again."

I looked back and grinned. "Likewise."


	8. Revelations

Okay, maybe "I'll find my own way home" was a bad idea. Especially since neither Harley nor I own cell phones, and she's probably freaking out right now thinking that the Joker got me and she's coming after me next and I really did _not_ think this through! Alright I at least remember what motel Harley and I were staying, so if one of these god damned taxis could just stop already I could get back to her. But of course, it's just my luck that the second I open the door to the taxi, there's an explosion. It came from one of the buildings directly ahead of us, I think it was a LexCorp pharmacy building, and the glass in the taxi's windshield shattered and a lot of it hit the driver. I could see he was still alive so I opened the door and pulled him out. I was too busy trying to be a good person, weird I know, that I neglected to pay attention to what was going on directly in front of me. I dragged the driver over into an alley and told him to stay put, but it didn't look like he was going anywhere anytime soon. When I left the alley I found out what was happening.

The Parasite was attacking, and of course the Justice League was right on top of him. Well, some of the Justice League. I saw Martian Manhunter, Flash, and Wonder Woman. Thank god Batman wasn't here, he'd recognize me right away. I'm surprised Superman's not here though, since this is his city. I had no idea what I was supposed to do, I could easily help them but that was give away my identity. Lots of other people were crowded around so at least I didn't stand out.

I saw Parasite grab onto Martian Manhunter's neck and absorb his powers, and I can only assume that it hurt. But then again, why assume when you can experience it yourself? The second Parasite threw Manhunter to the ground he held out his hand, stopping Flash and Wonder Woman where they were. His eyes glowed and then landed directly on me. I barely had time to gulp before I felt myself being telekinetically yanked towards him.

He grabbed onto my throat and said "I don't usually eat vegetarian meals but this one just seems so tempting…" he licked his lips and I tried to hit him in the face but he didn't feel anything. When he started to drain me, I felt like my entire essence was being ripped out and soon I'd just be an empty shell of a body. Thankfully, the Man of Steel decided to intervene. I saw a flash of blue punching Parasite in the face and before I could even feel myself touch the ground, Superman had swooped me up and flew me up onto the roof of a nearby building. I took a look up at his face and you would not believe what I saw.

He set me down and said "Stay here and stay safe until-"

"Clark?!"

"Um, what?"

"Oh my god, you _are_ Clark!" Holy shit Clark Kent is Superman. "How does nobody just look at you and instantly figure it out?!"

He gulped and scratched the back of his head. "Well, you'd be surprised." Before I could say anything else he said "Look, just stay here and we'll talk about this more when Parasite's been defeated."

Somewhat reluctantly, I stayed on the roof and watched Superman, Flash, Martian Manhunter, and Wonder Woman (who has a very nice butt) battle the Parasite. It took them about ten minutes to finally take him down. They talked with the authorities for a bit before Superman flew back up to the roof.

"Alright, yes, I am Clark Kent, but you have to promise you won't tell anybody."

"Don't worry, you're secret's safe with me." Clark was a nice guy, so I'm doing this for him. Not for the Big Blue Boyscout.

"You know, you look familiar too."

Shit.

"Um, yeah I've been told that I look like Uma Thurman."

His eyes narrowed and he took a few steps closer.

"No… I think I do know you."

Okay if I don't tell him, he's just going to find out and it's not going to be good. I sighed and said "Okay, okay. I… I'm…" I really do not want to admit this. He took one more step closer, and I took one step back. "I'm Poison Ivy."

He took a step back and put his fists up.

"But I'm reformed! I swear! I came to Metropolis for a fresh start! If I was still a "bad guy" I would have helped Parasite, but I didn't!" in all honesty there was probably no way I would have ever teamed up with Parasite, but I'm trying to prove a point here.

He seemed to be considering what I was saying.

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but you _did_ break out of Arkham Asylum to get here."

"Well, yeah, but that was just to protect Harley!"

"Harley?"

"Oh, um, yeah. Harley Quinn. She's the girlfriend that I mentioned earlier."

He sighed and put his head in his hand. "Ivy I'm sorry but I'm going to have to bring you two in."

"NO! You can't! If you do that Joker will find Harley and he _will kill her_! And if she's dead then I will have nothing left to live for! Please Clark… please help me." I had my hands on his chest and there were tears streaming down my eyes. When I left the motel this morning I wasn't expecting to have an emotional breakdown on a rooftop but god dammit I need to protect Harley.

Superman hugged me. Did not expect that.

"Alright, alright. I won't bring you in, _but_ I am going to call Batman. We'll all figure out something to do. In the meantime, let's get you back to Harley."

I didn't see any other option than to agree, so I let him fly me back to the motel. When we got there we found the doorknob broken off of the door and it was cracked open. I frantically ran over to it and opened the door to find the room trashed and a small fire on the bed. Harley was gone. As Superman began to blow out the fire I fell to my knees and started crying. _Harley was gone._

Batman showed up too soon. He surveyed the room and then looked at me. "Start talking."

I explained everything to him and he said "We'll find Harley. Then we can discuss this."

"You mean Harley's still alive?"

"Yes. Despite the Joker's insanity, he won't kill Harley. Not until he has an audience of people that care about her. He wouldn't have had enough time to get back to Gotham so they're still in Metropolis, and I think I know where."

I was forced to ride in the backseat of the Batmobile, hand-cuffed, as Superman flew beside us while we made our way to the abandoned Metropolis amusement park. Typical Joker. When we arrived Batman pulled me out of the backseat and uncuffed me. Superman used his x-ray vision to scan the amusement park and he said "They're at the Boat Pond, but-"

I didn't need to pay attention to anything else he had to say. I darted towards the Boat Pond to kill the Joker.


	9. Joker's Revenge

As I ran through the amusement park to the Boat Pond I could feel my head throbbing, my blood pumping, my adrenaline rushing. I reached the pond and saw Harley's head was soaked and covered in bruises as Joker was beating her with a crowbar.

"Get away from her you bastard!" I shouted as I tackled him, knocking the crowbar out of his hands. I punched him in the nose, causing him to scream. I got off of him and grabbed the crowbar. I swung it around and hit him across the face, but when I tried to do it again he ducked and punched me in the cheek, causing me to drop the crowbar. He back handed me and I kicked him in the balls. I grabbed his head and slammed his chin onto my knee, but he stabbed me in the shoulder. I stumbled backwards and screamed. I guess we're fighting dirty now. There was a bush behind him, and one of the roots just happened to reach up and start choking him. I ran over and punched him in the face twice before he stabbed me in my other shoulder and cut the root. He slapped me in the face with his joybuzzer, sending pain coursing throughout my face. He lifted up his leg and kicked me in the face, but I'm not giving up. He ran over and grabbed the back of my head and shoved it into the pond. He wasn't letting up. I could feel myself drowning. Maybe I should just give in… no! Harley needs me! I reached up and hit him in the face with the back of my head but he punched me in the face, causing me to fall down next to Harley, who barely had her eyes open.

She reached over and grabbed my hand. "Don't worry, Red. We'll be together." I smiled and all I wanted was to kiss her one last time, but we were interrupted by the Joker towering over us with guns pointed at our heads.

"You know, shooting you just wouldn't be as satisfying as beating you to death." He threw the guns down and lifted Harley up. He started to punch her in the face and he looked over at me. "You're next." I wanted to get up and fight him, but I was in so much pain I could barely move. Even Batman never hurt me this bad. I never really understood that this was what he fought for; he fought to prevent things like this happening. I never understood that he really was the hero. Joker carried Harley over to the pond.

Batman, Superman, where are you?

Joker dunked Harley's head underwater and I could hear her muffled screams, but then she kicked him in the groin. She's fighting back! That's my girl. She lifted herself up and turned around, punching him in the face.

"I've had it! I've had it with your shit! You fucking asshole! I gave up my entire life for you and all you ever did was treat me like a worthless piece of shit! I was never anything but loyal to you, but you never cared about me! Ever!" she said all of this as she punched and kicked him in various places so quickly that he wasn't even able to fight back, but I could tell that it was hurting her various wounds and she wouldn't be able to keep it up much longer. Joker managed to back up from her and he kicked her in the stomach, which lifted her off of the ground and she then fell with a thud. I barely managed to pick myself up and tackle him but he threw me off of him and was about to hit me, but he was interrupted.

I saw a flash of black and the Joker was gone. I looked up and saw Batman punching Joker in the face, knocking him backwards. They were both knee deep into the pond. I crawled over to Harley.

"Harley…"

"Red… I love you."

"I love you too, Harley. I love you so much."

I held her as we watched Batman and Joker fight. Joker threw a punch, but Batman caught it and punched Joker's elbow into the opposite direction it should be pointing. I probably could have heard it crack a mile away. Joker activates his joybuzzer and lunges at Batman, but he dodges it, grabs his non-broken arm and spins him around, throwing him further into the water. When Joker submerged, there was a big flash of electricity before the entire pond became electrified. Batman screamed, but he was able to stay standing. His suit probably had built in electricity-inhibitors or something like that. When he regained focus he saw Joker's limp body float up. I could barely hear him say "No…" as he waded closer to him. He lifted up his body and realized what Harley and I realized as well. The Joker was dead. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was Superman flying down and hovering over the lake, asking what had happened. I heard Harley ask "Pammy?" and then I was out.


	10. Final Verdict

When my eyes finally opened, I looked around and saw I was in a hospital. Not a prison medical bay, an actual hospital. Harley was in a bed next to me, still asleep. She had a lot more wounds than I did, but I'm just thankful we're both alive. I looked over as the door opened. Batman and Superman walked in.

Harley woke up just in time to see them.

There were a few moments of silence before Batman spoke. "The Joker is dead."

I looked over and saw a smile cross over Harley's face.

"Was it the joybuzzer?" I asked.

"We assume so."

Superman walked over to my bed and said "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I left. After you ran away, we got a League alert, and Batman told me he could handle it."

"Which I did."

"Yes, but we could have avoided much of the injuries if you had let me stay and help."

"We didn't need your help."

"I've got about thirty cuts and bruises that would disagree with you." I said.

"It's alright, Red. He did the best he could, and he saved us. That's all that matters."

We all remained there in silence for a few more moments before I asked "So now what?"

"Superman and I have been hashing it out for days but we've finally come to an agreement."

"Wait, what do you mean you've been hashing it out for days?" I asked.

"You and Harley have been unconscious and medicated for four days."

Oh.

"What did you decide?" asked Harley. I could hear the nervousness in her voice.

Batman and Superman exchanged a look.

"You're going back to Arkham."

"What?!" shouted Harley and I in unison.

Before we could both freak out Superman intervened and said "Only for four months! If by at the end of the sentence, you show full signs of recovery, you will be allowed to come back to Metropolis and restart your lives."

I sighed. I guess that was the best we were going to get.

"Additionally, Bud and Lou were recovered and will be held and cared for at a Wayne Enterprises facility until your sentences are over."

Harley squealed and said "We'll take it!"

We served our four months and we were each diagnosed "Sane". Harley regained custody of Bud and Lou (woo-hoo), and Clark even helped us find an apartment. After Harley withdrew a crapload of money from her family's bank account (seriously, I had no idea the Quinzels were so rich), and we moved in to the apartment just below Clark's. Funny thing is, Harley still has no idea Clark is Superman.

Wow. We did it. We made it. Harley and I are together, living a normal life in Metropolis. Our life is going to be very different. Who knows, maybe I'll come back later and tell you about it.

**A/N: I might do a sequel, if you all want me to. Well, I'll probably do it anyways.**


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